Something I find myself telling clients often is "your orgasm is YOUR own responsibility". Yes, even during intercourse, actually, especially then! Hopefully, you already know that the brain is EVERYONE'S #1 erogenous and that's where the "work" of the orgasm will take place. Aside from using your brain and your genitals (duh) you'll also need good communication. Let your partner know what you like and don't like and do what you need to do to avoid distractions.
Watch this video from the great orgasm guru Dr. Betty Dodson on cumming with partners.
As always, I'm happy to read or respond to comments and questions. Post below!
Porn is fun! (If you're into that sort of thing.) But sometimes. . . .it can be a dark horse that leads you into a full-blown porn addiction, which we sex-positive experts call problematic sexual behavior. This is when a person (likely a male but not always) watches so much porn that it's having an impact on other aspects of his life like his job, relationship and wallet. (PSB also includes other behaviors not limited to just porn). This individual then begins to relate to their porn behavior much like alcoholics or addicts through minimizing, denial, and belief that they can stop. Sadly, something has to happen for this person to take a serious look at their behavior and consider or commit to stopping.
This is a fairly new phenomena thanks to the Internet. Having unlimited dynamic (moving) images rather than the still photos in dirty magazines of yore, right at one's fingertips is NEW to humans and yes, it affects the brain. Instead of trying to explain it myself I direct you to this easy to understand video that helped me make sense of the human brain on porn care of asapSCIENCE.
Did you know that the human brain isn't completely done developing until the age of about 25? It's true according to Dan Siegel, MD, PhD (The Neurobiology of We). This means that online pornography is even more dangerous to teens and young adults whose brains are still growing. Filtering websites for content and monitoring a kid's Internet use is wise and important to do until they reach adulthood and can monitor themselves responsibly.
If this video describes you then give me a call. If it describes someone you care about encourage them to give a call, but understand that the person must be ready to make the change. Addressing any problematic sexual behavior often leads to exploring underlying causes that led to porn (or whatever PSB a person is doing) to escape from life momentarily or deal with stress.
Just like so many other things, pornography requires responsible use. It can be a fun and novel way to spice up your sexlife on occasion or it can be a shameful secret that leads to suffering. There is so much out there and so many opinions on the matter that it's hard to be "pro" or "anti" porn so educate and take inventory of yourself and your relationship with porn.
For the smarties out there, check out this TEDx Talk by Gary Wilson. He goes more in depth into research and the struggles that science faces in trying to research pornography and the brain.
If you're interested in slowing down your porn habit check out "no-fapping" blogs and videos. "Fapping" is the British term for masturbation and is used in the No Fap movement circling the Internet.
Robin Williams (1951-2014) Image sourced from funnyjunk.com
Raised eyebrows and "ooohs" of interest is the typical response I get when I tell people that I am a sex therapist. Many assume I talk just about the birds and bees all day long but here's the truth: sex, sexuality and sexual disfunction are merely entry points into a client's deeper issues. Our bodies never forget what we've been through and it's often our bodies through which we discover that all is not well in our minds. For instance, addressing erectile disfunction may mean working through unresolved issues of shame or guilt that have led to depression (and erectile difficulties). So while I do help my clients improve their life by addressing sex and sexuality it is my training in mental health that has enables me to do so. Mental health awareness was heightened a few weeks ago due to the suicide of the beloved Robin Williams. His tragic death and the fleeting spotlight on this disease that so many suffer has led me to take action. So without further adieu, meet Mr. Wanderful. "He" is my NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) team- a league of walkers who are raising money and take a 5k stroll through Austin in order to bring more awareness to the issue of mental health. And even though I'm not quite sure how walking and raising money go together, I plan to do both in the name of awareness. My goal is to raise $500 and your donation would be greatly appreciated. Whatever you can give helps! Do it in the name of a loved one who suffers from mental illness, for Robin, for awareness or because you just plain want to. Donate here. The walk is Saturday, Sept. 27th. Look for a post with pics from the event shortly thereafter!
"Not all those who wander are lost" J. R. R.Tolkien
These are questions I often hear from clients usually regarding sex practices or the expectations of partners. Because of the vast accessibility of porn and the lack of real information regarding "regular people" sex practices there are a lot of misconceptions about what should be happening between the sheets. Thanks to those cheeky Brits though there is a YouTube video that clears some things up. But if you find yourself still wondering if a certain event, behavior or thing should or should not be happening, please contact me. I'd be happy to help you figure that out.
