The pornicopia and why too much of a good thing can be bad

Porn is fun! (If you're into that sort of thing.) But sometimes. . . .it can be a dark horse that leads you into a full-blown porn addiction, which we sex-positive experts call problematic sexual behavior. This is when a person (likely a male but not always) watches so much porn that it's having an impact on other aspects of his life like his job, relationship and wallet. (PSB also includes other behaviors not limited to just porn). This individual then begins to relate to their porn behavior much like alcoholics or addicts through minimizing, denial, and belief that they can stop. Sadly, something has to happen for this person to take a serious look at their behavior and consider or commit to stopping.
This is a fairly new phenomena thanks to the Internet. Having unlimited dynamic (moving) images rather than the still photos in dirty magazines of yore, right at one's fingertips is NEW to humans and yes, it affects the brain. Instead of trying to explain it myself I direct you to this easy to understand video that helped me make sense of the human brain on porn care of asapSCIENCE.

Did you know that the human brain isn't completely done developing until the age of about 25? It's true according to Dan Siegel, MD, PhD (The Neurobiology of We). This means that online pornography is even more dangerous to teens and young adults whose brains are still growing. Filtering websites for content and monitoring a kid's Internet use is wise and important to do until they reach adulthood and can monitor themselves responsibly.
If this video describes you then give me a call. If it describes someone you care about encourage them to give a call, but understand that the person must be ready to make the change. Addressing any problematic sexual behavior often leads to exploring underlying causes that led to porn (or whatever PSB a person is doing) to escape from life momentarily or deal with stress.
Just like so many other things, pornography requires responsible use. It can be a fun and novel way to spice up your sexlife on occasion or it can be a shameful secret that leads to suffering. There is so much out there and so many opinions on the matter that it's hard to be "pro" or "anti" porn so educate and take inventory of yourself and your relationship with porn.

For the smarties out there, check out this TEDx Talk by Gary Wilson. He goes more in depth into research and the struggles that science faces in trying to research pornography and the brain.

If you're interested in slowing down your porn habit check out "no-fapping" blogs and videos. "Fapping" is the British term for masturbation and is used in the No Fap movement circling the Internet.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Reconnecting 101: A Back to School Guide for Lovers

"I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address" (a quote from You've Got Mail)

It's the most wonderful time of year for parents- back to school time! Whether you stay at home or work all day, it's time again to have eight worry-free hours while the kiddos are at school. You get your home back, your routine back and perhaps a little bit of your sanity while those little joys are away at school, sports, etc. There is no doubt that during the summer months having kids at home of any age can be a real buzz kill for romance. Perhaps you and your partner found ways to connect during the chaos of kiddos in summertime but if you're like most- you probably let the lovin' fall by the wayside. That's okay. It's normal. It happens.
If this is you, then you're probably getting ready to face the awkwardness of reconnecting physically after your summer dry-spell. Here are a few tips to make re-igniting that flame go smoothly.

1. Address the issue as adults. Pick a time when you're in a neutral to good mood and on neutral turf. Let your partner know that you've noticed it's been a while and now it's time to do something about it. That looks something like this: "Hey honey, I realize it's been a while since we've been intimate. Let's try to reconnect soon."
2. Make reconnecting a priority by making a plan together. Schedule a time when the two of you can be comfortable and not rushed and decided what you'll do (shower or bathing together or reading erotica aloud while the other gives a foot rub are a couple of suggestions). Depending on what you choose to do you may only need 15 minutes of uninterrupted time.
3. Focus on sensuality not intercourse. When the time comes and the two of you are together focus on touching and feeling each other either through whole palm caresses, playing with pressure of rubs, and kissing. If the awkwardness between the two of you is high, you might want to try just touching and rubbing over the clothes before moving to bare skin or genital areas.
4. Be appreciative. Let your partner know that you are grateful for them and are happy to be able to share this part of life with him or her.
5. Repeat as often as desired! If your activity leads to sex the first time- great! But keep in mind that this is about moving through the uncomfortableness of going without passionate touch for an extended period of time and learning to interact again sexually and sensually. Be mindful that this may take a couple of times before you or your partner is ready for sex.

I'd love to know what creative activities you and your partner come up with! Feel free to post in the comments below. And as always, if trying this out leads to hurt feelings, or fights please consider counseling to help resolve your issues before things get out of hand.

Happy humping!