en·vy noun\ˈen-vē\
the feeling of wanting to have what someone else has
the feeling of wanting to have what someone else has
jeal·ou·sy noun \ˈje-lə-sē\
an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has
These words are sometimes used interchangeably to describe a person's feelings or behaviors but from my seat in the therapist's chair the distinction between the two makes a world of difference. "How come?" You may wonder and I say, "because feelings are information."
The word I hear most often is jealous (or jealousy) and is usually used in a "negative" way to describe an experience. In fact, I rarely hear the word envy used at all even though it has a less negatively charged meaning behind it. While the English language may allow for the two words to be used interchangeably there is a subtle difference. When it comes to communicating or learning to communicate more effectively word choice becomes important. So here is my understanding of the difference between the two words and examples of how you can use them to help your listener understand what you really mean.
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| image from http://www.bytecolumn.com, 24 Aug. 2011 |
Jealousy: "I want what you have AND I don't want you to have it" or "you having that is threatening to me"
The subtle difference is our internal experience of desire or desire accompanied by fear, pain or threat. Neither feeling is better or worse, in fact they both kind of suck and provide varying degrees of discomfort. Yet, it's normal to experience both emotions throughout our lifetime. If you've ever been a lover, friend, or sibling you've undoubtedly already felt the uneasy, green heat in your core. What's important to keep in mind however is that feelings are just feelings, it's our judgment of them that determines if they are "good" or "bad". Like I said before, feelings are information. So next time, instead of reprimanding yourself or your partner, sister or friend for feeling jealousy or envy, use that info to think about why you (or they) may be feeling that particular way. By using the information of your emotional experience to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationship, you will hopefully be more equipped to help communicate those feelings more clearly.
I hope you've found today's vocabulary lesson helpful. I'd like to to hear from you about your experiences with jealousy or envy. Please add your story in the comments section or share this post with a friend who could benefit from the info! wink*wink*
